A Big Flickering 'C'

I'm sure sometimes it'd be better to have a bright flickering 'C' over my head to save the sheer...(i'm not even sure of the word...maybe humiliating...mortifying...you know what i mean!) annoying feeling of meeting people for the first time or bumping into people that don't know... and wish there was a sign to tell them that cancer is in my life.

The first time it happened was when I was at work and someone who I hardly see much, noticed that I chopped all my hair off. They commented on it looking lovely (yeah right!) and asked why I'd gone for such a dramatic hair cut. For about 10 long seconds I just stared above her head thinking of how I could politely explain that I'm getting ready for chemotherapy and that "IIIIII'VE GOOOOOOOOOT BLOOOOOODY BREEEEEEEAST CAAAAAANCEEEEEER!"

But all I could splurt out was... 'I've been ill'!

She just stared at me, for 10 long seconds, and I wondered if she wondered what illness I could possibly have that would make my hair shrink into a pixie cut!

It was one of the most akward moments of this whole experience. I just wanted a big claw to lift me up into the roof and drop me home so I could hide underneath my bed.

So I felt I had to tell her that I had breast cancer and I was preparing for chemotherapy.

What a bloody conversation killer eh!

And since.... its happend a few times; bumping into people I know who i've not seen in a while and are shocked that the Katherine-they-knew-who-used-to-always-have-long-hair had chopped it off into short crop, and why??

It's rubbish, cancer is rubbish and short hair is rubbish. And in a few weeks my hair will be gone, so I guess that's rubbish too. But then at least my hairless head will explain what's happening before anyone has a chance to ask "Katherine, I've not seen you for ages, why did you shave all your hair off??"

Surely that won't happen... Oh god, I hope not.....