Another year older...

Tomorrow, I'm 34!

34! I can't believe how quickly this year has flown. I remember that on my birthday last year I was stuck at work until 8pm as there was an accident on the main road and no-one could move. So I sat in the office and arranged the transport for my hen party.

This year, I'm just getting through cancer treatment.

Who'd have know it eh?

I feel quite sad, I've been lying in bed all morning thinking about my age, and about my life. I'm only 34, and I'm dealing with cancer. My whole life I've felt immortal, I think everyone does. No-one knows when cancer is going to strike, and if it ever will but bloody hell when it does, it does. And your whole life is turned upside down.

This week i've been so worried about it coming back, and so afraid of getting on with my life and then one day, bam... its back. How do people who come through cancer carry on after treatment, without the constant fear of it creeping back up on you? I don't know how I'm going to do it.

But I am going to enjoy my birthday tomorrow. It's my first social gathering since our wedding, nothing fancy, just some drinks with friends popping in. I'm really excited.

And to you blog readers, spare £2 today to make a birthday girl's wish come true and help me raise £1m. Give up that cup of coffee or magazine and please donate it for my birthday to http://www.themillionpoundschallenge.co.uk/

Badges of Hope

My cousin Teri had a bloody amazing idea a few months ago....to get Clutterfly Jewellery to make a unique badge for me to sell in aid of my £1m challenge for Cancer Research UK.

We've called it the 'Badge of Hope', as hope is all we have to get us through cancer and hope is all we have that it doesn't touch everyone and hope is all we have that Cancer Research can cure it.

Stuff the usual boring charity badges, if I say so myself these are awesome!

It's a frightening thought, but cancer can effect everyone, no-one knows when. By buying a badge of hope, you're giving money to a cause that might save your life one day, or someone that you love.

So buy one, wear it with pride and let everyone know...

http://www.clutterflyjewellery.com/product_info.php?products_id=679

thanks xxxx

It's been a while...

I've not blogged for ages. In fact, I've not done anything for ages.

To be honest, I'm exhausted. I'm not sure if it's the chemo, the fact that I've not left the sofa for weeks or just relief that I'm nearly there. But I'm pooped. I have no energy at all. And I'm so bloody bored!

But, I had my last chemo a few weeks ago, it was the worst one of the lot, it really zonked me out and maybe that's why I'm feeling like this.

But maybe, what's really happening is that I'm scared.

No more chemo.

Don't get me wrong, I hate chemo. But now that it's over, what now? I've got radiotherapy and pills to take for 5 years, but chemo kills cancer cells, and whilst having chemo I felt safe.

I think I'm making myself a bit depressed at the thought of cancer coming back, and when I think about it, it makes me cry... like now.

The thought of cancer coming back is frightening.