Finding the Lump and What I did Next

I found the lump whilst showering in the Maldives on Honeymoon (typical!) on 17th December ‘08. It was hard and bumpy and felt about 3-4cm big and went across my breast and nipple. To be honest with you, I forgot about it after worrying for about a day thinking it was just fibre tissue or a gristly lump.

Then 2 months later on the day that I was hosting my first dinner party as a married woman (but instead of entertaining couples with a good bottle of wine and a cheese board, my dinner party was for 4 of my good friends with a few bottles of champagne and girlie chats before pouring into a taxt for a night out!) I found it again, in the shower.

Two of my friends had already arrived as they were staying the night so I told them about it, over a cup of tea and a Marlboro light, and then they both had a feel. What do you say when you feel a lump on someone’s breast? fibre tissue, cyst…all the usual solutions came pouring out of my friend’s mouths and I reassured myself that it was absolutely nothing to worry about. But they did insist that I had to get it checked out, so I thought at some point…I’d try to remember to ring my dr.

Anyway, I did remember to ring the Dr, and after being poked and pressed about she told me that she wanted me to have an ultrasound which really shook me up. But none the less I booked an appointment at my local private hospital for an ultrasound.

What I didn’t expect was to find that the ultrasound led to a biopsy and a 12 day wait due to the Dr being away on holiday. It was the longest and most stressful 12 days I’ve ever had. Lots of different emotions were running through my head, my husband was keeping me sane and I was trying to be strong when he was around but I couldn’t help a tearful breakdown in the shower or the toilets at work.

You see, I’m a leo, I have a big roar and am a very proud and confident person but inside I’m a softie, and I’d rather whimper in a corner than have anyone see me sad. So trying to ‘pretend’ that I felt fine was hard. My friends from work were great, my best friends, I shut them out, completely. And I’m grateful for them respecting my wishes but I do feel awful for not talking to them. My reason was that I couldn’t hear them upset, that would make me break, and I had to keep strong. So I carried on my life as normal as much as I could do really until my appointment day came…