Chemo Number 3... What the...!!!

Ok so the usual routine goes like this... chemo on a Friday...wipe out till Thursday... so yes this was the case with chemo number 3; Friday I had chemo at my parents house as the hub is far away in South Africa (doing very well I must add!!) so I packed my bag and camped out at my parents for the ‘chemo coma’ week. Thursday came and home I went feeling much brighter, able to do work and sigh a deep breath of relief that I made it through another chemo.

I was looking forward to a friend’s wedding reception on Friday evening and then a hen weekend on Saturday and Sunday where the theme was very 'rah' of an Ascot Ladies Day with fancy hats and champagne, just perfect. So I'd gotten my outfit ready for that and looked forward to a fun filled weekend of feeling human again... however...

Friday morning I woke up feeling extremely tired and I made my way slowly downstairs where I just flopped on the sofa in a 'hungover' sort of way. Lying on the sofa I planned the day of meeting a friend for a walk around the park and then a pamper day of getting ready for the wedding reception with a trip to the salon to get my nails done. As I peeled myself off the sofa I attempted to go back upstairs to take a shower and I was conscious of my slow movement and how out of breath I was walking up the stairs. Showering felt like it took an hour, brushing my teeth made my arm ache and by the time Natalie arrived to pick me up I was shattered. We decided that I was too tired to walk around the park so we went to a pub and I ordered a fresh orange juice but for some very strange reason the orange juice brought on a salty taste in my mouth and I feel nauseas and just needed to go to sleep, so I went home.

All I could do was lie on the sofa in an ill state feeling weak and sick. My head was so excited about going out that evening but my body had no chance of moving, even walking to the toilet felt like I was walking a marathon, something was wrong and it started to scare me....

I rang the chemo nurse and explained what was happening, my temperature was normal and she explain that as the course of chemo went on, I'd get more and more tired... I couldn't believe it, the day earlier I was fit and healthy and today I felt like I'd climbed Mount Everest with a bag of Saxa in my mouth. I sat on the stairs and I cried.

I cried for about an hour in self pity knowing that I couldn't make it to the wedding reception. I knew that just getting ready would tire me out, I'd no way be able to be sociable. And the hen weekend... my glorious pink extravaganza of a hat wouldn't see the light of day, so would remain in the carrier bag whilst my body lay frozen on the sofa.

Whilst crying on the stairs I texted a friend to ask her to make my apologies for the hen do, I felt too sad to call her and definitely too sad to tell the hen that I couldn't make it. I also texted my friends to say I couldn't make the wedding party that evening and just sat there slumped on the stairs crying and blowing my nose and just wishing that I had the energy to stand up.

Then Becca, my work colleague and neighbour rang the doorbell. After a welcomed hug and 30minutes of me blubbing she decided to set up camp in my lounge and stay for the night making sure I ate, let out all the tears and eventually have some fun.

We watched movies, chatted, laughed and she left the next day at 7pm. It was just what I needed; otherwise I'd have been blubbing all Friday night knowing I was missing the party and blubbing all Saturday and Sunday knowing I was missing the hen do... so she's a saint for staying with me, missing the wedding party herself and just being a fab friend as always.

Chemo is bloody hard and unpredictable. I assume it’s going to get worse but I’m halfway with my sessions with only 3 more left to go. I dread every one of them, especially knowing that I’m going to get more and more tired. It’s so frustrating but I am half way, I feel good getting there but also feel dread that I am ‘only’ just half way. The mountain I have to climb is huge and I’ve still got a long way to go...