Back From the Dead...

morbid.. but that's exactly how I feel today. I am back. Alive and well and I feel so happy!

Friday, chemo day, was a very scary day. I remember crying in fear of what was about to happen to me. I'd read other blogs where people described chemo and it made me so scared but nothing can prepare you for what it's like...

Now I've thought long and hard about this and I'm worried that someone may read this who is about to start chemo and I don't want to worry anyone, but I've been totally honest in my blog and I can't make something so horrible sound fluffy...it's just not right...besides, everyone is different so some people may just sail through it...

So anyway, the chemo nurse arrived about 11.30am with what seemed like 6 comedy size syringes and a drip and I remember feeling my armpit quivering in fear as she slowly syringed the first one into my arm. She explained the different feelings of each chemo drug, but I just sat there not caring about the cold feeling in my veins, I just felt tense, wishing it would just be over. At 2pm, it was. And suprisingly I felt ok, I was probably relieved. The nurse did tell me that i'd be ill, feeling sick is one of the worst symptoms, but I wasn't ready for the following 8 hours of the worst night of my life...

I was sick, violently (sounds over dramatic but it's an exact account of how it was!), every 2 hours with the worst sicky feeling ever. My poor hub had to take me into hospital and I lay there, over 3 chairs waiting for hours for someone to inject me with something to help. Looking back I can now admit that I was scared I was going to die, that i'd been poisioned and that it was slowly killing me. That's a very frightening thought but I remained calm, just with my morbid thoughts to myself and I waited and waited for someone to help.

Help did arrive, at 12.20am when I recieved an injection and a bed in a freezing room with plastic pillows and a thin blanket. But I did feel relived that I was being helped and that they kept me in until I was okay.

What followed on from that day was nausea, tiredness and the ability to only eat salted flavoured foods including crisps, chips and crackers. My mouth went from a sickly watery taste to feeling like there was metal in my mouth and I ate ice-lollys to rehydrate.

But today when I woke up I felt great; brushing my teeth didn't leave a disgusting taste in my mouth, dizzy spells didn't follow me when I stood up and passing water was a 'normal' colour. So it's done, it's over, and I came through it. I have 5 more sessions to go but I'm going to be given a different dose of anti-sickness drugs so fingers crossed it won't be so bad. And my chemo Dr has assured me that I can't die from chemo, so that's good to know.

This has been a horrible blog post to write, but also I'm glad to be writing it because I know that it's over. Tomorrow is another day, another great day of feeling great and happy and that's wonderful!!