I Just Want to Eat Chocolate!

Yesterday I emailed a bunch of friends to let them know about my 'blip'. I couldn't face calling everyone and I was really worried that they'd find out from gossip or blimin Facebook where nothing in your life is secret! And it felt easy writing it in an email, no-one can see the worry on your face when you tell them and I can't see the shock on their faces. So a job well done.

I think that's everyone now, all of my family and friends know. I even told my neighbours yesterday morning. I was taking out a bag of rubbish as they were getting into their car. We had a brief chat and then I said that I had some weird news and told them. I felt a bit akward actually, I hardly ever see them and blurting out 'Hi, how's things, oh I have cancer' felt really bizzare, but my mouth just took over and afterwards I felt a bit silly.

But then a few hours later, a lovely card and a huge bar of Dairy Milk came through my letterbox from them. All I wanted was to make a huge cup of tea and eat it all but my 'healthy food' phase wouldn't let me. Although today my husband opened it and I did have one or two pieces, and I think that might turn in to 3 or 4 pieces by the end of this evening.

Also yesterday afternoon my cousin and his mates came over. And they bought me a chocolate cake. Now its rude for someone to bring something so freshly baked that I simply had to have a little piece. I did want to shove the whole thing in my face as they waiting in the lounge as I made tea, but I resisted.

I don't know why I'm so scared of chocolate at the moment. I did read online that cancer can feed off bad sugars, but then I do also remember reading in a magazine that chocolate is actually a good way of keeping cancer away, or maybe I just made that bit up.

But its so bloody hard, I love the stuff, and people seem to think that chocolate and illness go hand in hand so I know that i'll be getting more of it. Hmph!

So anyway, i'm hoping that my operation appointment letter arrives soon. I'm eating all of this healthy food to keep my immune system strong and I want to heal quickly after the op so that they can start my treatment plan. Then I'll be able to eat all the chocolate I want, if my husband hasn't eaten it all first!